Consigliere

For some reason , i feel .................great .Did i just find myself ? I swore i did . I'll see how this develops .

15

         Its been a fun one week people , but like all good times , they all will come to an end . Looking back , there has been a few things i wanted to accomplish , but like usual nothing ever goes to plan . That's life right , we can never get anything a 100% right .Its what we do with the >100%  that distinguishes the optimists from the pessimists .Well its 1 am , prime time for me to post . Couldn't wish for it any better .

         Well so far , im doing pretty swell , who knew i could ever meet so many new people in a week . Im hoping this will finally break the anti-social tag on my forehead . So long , i wished honestly to be accepted by society , by my  own peers , by my own friends , by my classmates , by everyone to put it simply . I may not be there at the top yet , but  im making progress . One new friend , at a time .
 
         And just to be clear , you can always meet new people even though you've known them for so long . In other terms , i repaired some of my old bridges .Being from a boarding school , you see other people in a different light . What you thought of them before will change after being in a boarding school . Your mind wisen's up , because you are not forced to learn anything , you learn yourself .

          It also  helped me realise the true me .In life we all want to find ourselves , find out who we truly are . Some people i know have already found themselves which is good but what about the other  half . We all will go through very awkward  things  to find ourselves . Just now , it was the first time i was ever man enough to look into the mirror and gradually start talking to myself . Weird right . Well ironically , i knew something i never knew i had . I have 2 smiles actually . And im not half bad a looking guy . Sixteen year olds have weird issues with themselves.

           Growing up pretty much as a very quiet person ,feelings were something difficult to express you know .Well , learning from how a friend of mine dealt with his internal conflicts , it made me realise that its normal to have difficulties to express yourself . I can only say what made him more comfortable in releasing all his emotions would be the ear listening to it . It isnt the fear of letting your emotions out , its more to the fear of  the reaction from letting your emotions out that deter even the most kamikaze  politician to speak out his mind .

           Oh yeah , it turns out i do have some sort of love for indie music . I believed i was never much of an indie music guy , after all my radio is constantly on FLY FM (90% of the time in boarding school ) .But by a simple act of visiting a friends profile , i discovered my groove of music . So far only 8 have been identified , but i know theres going to be more . Maybe during or after Raya will be my music Renaissance . Back to me , myself and music .

          Chelsea . Win ! Bloody Hell ! Win ! . Good thing i'll be back for Spurs . Honestly , spurs are the most overrated piece of shit from London . You buy a host of attacking players but you lose to Sunderland and Djbrill Cisse's hair .

      
What can an Ipod and Guitar Hero  do for you in moments of despair . plenty.Well so far holidays are honestly  too fast for me . I swear , time is running so fast that i don't dare to tie my shoes . Sure , sure optimists , its just tuesday , well i ask you this . As a boarding school student or to be more accurate a SASER students oppurtunity to leave school is very limited . Some of us stayed in that box for 2 months straight . Tell me , do you like doing work all day and studying . Do you want the internet son ? . Try SSP . The place has by far the crappier internet than North Korea (catch my drift ) .The only way i can get information from the outside world would be from my radio or my brother (i cant live a day there without knowing what happened to my beloved Chelsea or Roma).

       So what do i want to talk about today , hmm , i like to be unique today . Lets talk about something unusual but so close to our lives . Heres a hint , some of us cant live without it , some use people as its replacement , its soft and comforting .The answer will be given in the next post . Why is it that we always need this thing for us to sleep . Does it help us reach our comfort zone that is normally impossible to achieve. Or does it give us that serenity we need to  calmly close our eyes to prepare ourselves for the day ahead.

lets call the thing 'A'

A    : Don't worry eddy ill be your watch buddy while you dream of something
Me  :Yeah , yeah  ....(dozess off)zzzzzzzzzz
A    :Alright what do i feel like watching today , Eddy running from a tree , eddy hitting a brick wall repeatedly or letting him dream of
       getting stealth camo in MGS 4 and waking him up after that . hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ,
       endless possibilities .
Me  : less talking,,,, more watching
A    :      :(

This is how i would be if i was ever that sleepy.

For some reason , i can say im not a teen anymore  . My main proof is , is it possible for you to sleep from 2 to 5 and not feel tired during the holidays . I don't sleep that much now , i mean its 241 right now and i can still type out a full sentence without stuttering .The human mind is an amazing creation . Speaking about it , I can finally be proud to say im starting to enjoy going out socialising . The challenge , the unknown , the  triumphs , the failures .I think this is my first time in a while i think i could say , i enjoyed going out to a friends party . Talked yeah , had fun yeah . Pulled aswad's chair during musical chairs , HELL YEAH .It's been a while since i had not talked to some of my friends . First impressions were , why is everyone damn tall except me .Slowly but surely , ill get there . today 13 pushups and 5 chinups . next month double . I have never been that motivated to develop my physique than ever before . My target is still a bit irrational (175 in 6 months . Sure maybe with stilts) . 16 is still young .Like Mourinho says " Yes , Sure , Okay , No problem " in his funny english accent .

DSC00432

Lets be frank , Roma . Roma . Roma , Yes ,yes 5-0 is a little flattering .But dont worry , humility is a must in football these days .And besides with The Beast on our side , anything is possible (blind optimism) :) .Plus , Totti is back so cucchiaio's all around .

After 2 weeks of boarding school joy - German Measels , Aching Legs , Uncontrollable rage and of all things an A2 for Modern Maths - Im firmly on my  chair thinking whats on my mind tonight as well as the EPL .Thankfully the holidays just started because lots of stuff is coming on . I mean , my face looks like an actual mine field with red mines which seem to ooze out colourless fluid . You just cant get those things these days you know , what with the plethora of facewash and health products in the market . I call it a decorative piece .It helps avert attention from other things some of us would rather not say.

German measels was a pain to say. No not to my physical well being but my mental well being . As luck would have it , Sekolah Menengah Sains Seremban is I think not only the school that has the best academics but also top in  epidemics as well . We have "Angkara Kuey Tiow "  ," Angkara ketandusan air " and   now "Angkara Dot Merah " .The awful 3 days and 2 nights in the SICK BAY  will be a reminder for myself and to those of you , TO NOT get an epidemic in a boarding school .Myself being a very hyperactive person (probably not anymore now though) cant take staying  in a room without a friend to talk to , a teacher to scream and shout at you .  Even TKC cant top that , right guys . But you know , thats what makes life living in a boarding school fun sometimes , the ever optimistic talk of a pulang malam during the weekdays or weekends . The small chit-chat while queuing up near the tap that has water . Taking pictures in class the day before the holidays . And of course we cant forget the cumpulsory  collective morning , afternoon and evening sleep sessions in class . Oh the joy of being a  form 4 student  in SASER .

Yesterday was a night outing to the curve to fulfill some obligations (MGS4 is an obligation).Went out to eat at i think one of those places where you wish you could just be a part of . Bubba Gump's Shrimp , the place basically brings Forrest Gump  to life .It had those cool Run Forest Run license plates and kick ass quotations from the movie . My favourite was "A fishing line has 2 ends , on one end is the hook while the other end has an optimist ".I also took advantage of the Borders book sale and got myself 3 books for the price of 2 . My wait for Tuesdays with Morrie had finally ended . I'll be frank , go out and kill yourself or get the book . Its that good .

It really is a chore to think about what to write at the time where most malaysians are either a)sleeping soundly b)chatting online c)making love to the wife . Endless possibilities , endless thoughts .

First off , a retraction from what i said before this . I will admit personally that i sometimes can be a bit inconsiderate to those that are around me .Life still has many things to teach me .And it just so happens that human beings are very stubborn people .Believe me im trying , just need to get that damn tumour out of  my personality .I read in a book that the hardest thing in life you can do is changing , to be more precise changing yourself . Personality takes a long time to change ( based on my experience it has taken me 5 months of talking to guys and teachers to finally be able to use this thing that is in our mouths called the tongue ). I remember those days talking so fast people thought i was speaking gibberish . Well , now  it feels good that i am finally understood verbally by most of everyone .Here are some interesting facts on what will happen when you start doing 10 push ups everyday at boarding school . For the first week , you will feel a constant pain equivalent to what i think girls would feel during a period . It made my week a lot harder , because coincidentally i was participating in a jogathon at the time .It was also during that time , i landed myself into the library .Found 2 interesting books ( Seni bahasa bercakap and 7 habits on becoming an effective teenager ).

Seni bahasa bercakap was  basically about how to read people like a book 101 .It gave me a detailed insight on how to read peoples body language .Just to get you guys curious , a person that does not like to make eye-contact is either scared of you or nervous .Great book . And another interesting tidbit was about the issue of space Jarak Intim ( touching distance to 17 inches) is mainly for a)sex  b)comforting c)assurance . About the 7 habits . It was a self help book , and like a hypocritical teenager , I used the "Im normal , i dont need help " excuse . But then , upon further reading , self help does not mean your crazy , it can also mean that you want to improve yourself .I learned a lot from the book . From my understanding now , to me every relationship is now as important as the other . In theory , humans feed of each other . Not cannabalism but emotion wise .For example ,music is how a muscian display there emotions in notes and when played back , displays the emotions to the listeners .We feed of that emotion , which is why we feel some sort of high or joy after listening to a song we like.It is important for us  humans to keep communicating .Because we live of each other .

    Getting on with the story , basically i forced myself to keep doing pushups , keep reading  and keep understanding what i read . Well before you know it its finally Jogathon time . We had to jog from Dataran Seremban (basically the center of bandar Seremban ) to Jalan Sikamat (Main road that leads to SM Sains Seremban.)Whole jog was 5 KM . Imagine a  woman with PMS forcing herself to run 5km holding her hips . I was her . Right after the whistle , i ran , i ran , i ran , i ran to no end .While running you cant help but think , i can , i cant , look at them their so far away , im losing them ,why am i so weak , why are my legs aching . All these questions will inadvertantly force you to stop and think , which i didnt . I just kept saying in my head, just believe , nothing less , have faith .I tried my best to keep my mind as positive as possible because i noticed that once the brain says no , eventually under pressure the body will say no as well .Jogging seemed to take forever , i could feel as if the world had completely stopped .Running , running ,running , you see a turn , you breathe a sigh of relief , only to be demoralized that you have just started your ascent to the mountain top .Its then where the mind will give up , it did for me . I had to admit defeat for now after 15 minutes of torture . I didnt know if i was either happy or dissapointed with what i did , only thing in my head was air , OH GLORIOUS air .But i didnt stop moving . Walk  , crawl , roll  i basically did anything and everything i could to just keep moving .It was that mindset that kept me alive throught that whole situation . Finally , a recognizable road , it was as beautiful as well i can't say a girl because i notice that whenever i say that, reality will kick in me and say you have no chance with her . So if you have noticed why i never say a girl is beautiful or anything , thats why .The word beautiful will only be used under context of a)family b)wife or girlfriend .Moving on , panting like a man with one lung . I ran all the way from the top of the hill to the start . The momment you reach the front gates , your body will feel a rush that most people will take cocaine for .That feeling of happiness  and joy . You made it past 5km of road to get here . To make it a lot better time yourself . I got a time of 28 minutes 42 seconds . I think that was my personal best . So it was free euphoria and endorphins to everyone there . I got me a cup of milo and sat on a sidewalk with some mates and just talked about the whole thing . Later i got my certificate  and we mozied on home . Whole day felt like walking on air .

Next day felt like walking around rocks , my knee was aching like hell . I limped like a man that had one too many sexual excursions .Getting out of bed felt like diving on concrete . My knee was  so week initially i had to rely on a bar that resembled a black pipe to keep me balanced .Yeah , speaking of black pipe , on that monday i had this career talk to attend to .Petronas held a career talk on the petroleum business and the jobs surrounding it . I met with great people . I remember this young lady named Suraya .She was an oxford grad and she was as young as my sister .She worked on geo-physics if im not mistaken . geo-physics is a subject about how particles like waves travel in the earth . This was important to detect where the oil reserves were .Another thing we did was this personality test.I have tried lots of personality tests but i think to date this was the most accurate . Well to me . It wrote that i am an enterprising and conventional person . Great for those no life investment bankers that have fat paychecks but have no time to spend it . But what surprised me now was my rating for my social mark . For some reason i scored 21 for that(keeping in mind my scores for Enterprising and Conventional were 22) . I must recommend everyone to go out and debate or talk in public . Its addictive . Regardless if you suck or not , talking in big crowds gives you that energy that most people would inject at their arms or legs for . It really is . And to be honest , im still not a good speaker yet , while im talking  i have an uncontrollable urge to dance .Imagine michael jackson performing his beat it routine while giving you a speech about racial discrimination in America .I tell you that would sell more copies than his latest album . im still in the process of fixing it though . And it is still difficult , its like an instinctive response like how guys would say yes when a girl wants their number  .

 Well i guess that was most of the things you should know what happened this 2 weeks

its 3 am

perfect timing

" tomorrow or never bai "

Day started at : 730

        A tiring day it has been . From the am to am  , I , have survived a gauntlet . Morning i was in a white checkered shirt and during the night i went purple grape . In that time , i managed to do what i wanted from this short holiday .You know meet friends , chase biology papers around school grounds , meeting teachers , being a photographer. A been there done that sort of thing .

       Hari Anugerah Cemerlang was really like what i expected it to be , everyone came back from their busy lives to celebrate last years achievement .I wore a shirt and a tie , followed up by my dad's black leather shoes (previously brown now black ).Pretty much what i wore was my dad's clothes . He said that he couldnt fit into them so why waste a fine Italian made shirt that cost 200 euros  and shoes .Reaching school , as before it was not the same , they overpainted the whole place , they even painted the floor of the staircase .After registering went up and saw my former colleagues . We chatted and then some .One thing made me laugh immensely ,1)Seng Fatt going Japanese on everyone and 2)Fithri and his 'What is Sambal Belacan'.Classic stuff.During that time , we all went out and basically tanned ourselves while waiting for the ceremony for the "Pelajar PMR Cemerlang' . I was pretty ticked when it turns out that we only got RM20 compared to those students from Selangor that got RM200 , i needed that money for MGS4 .But then , better something than nothing right . Alright after everything was over , i decided to go walk with a friend of mine and just shoot the breeze . But then alas , Izzat's mom intruded in the moment so i had to take a picture with Izzat and then i had to hunt her down . That was because one, i wasnt finished talking to her yet and two she took my bio paper .Luckily i managed to caught up with her , but then Ustaz Ahmad was  there so i had to persuade her to go back to the kantin which was on the other side .So that was the only time i actually catch up with her and we just talked for i think 10 minutes . When we reached the canteen both of us were broken up by A)myself with some other friends B)she was with a teacher . When i dealt with them i waited for her to finish talking . I decided to get myself but by the time i filled the cup of water , she was gone . Life sucks really , well you cant get them all .

            Besides that gave me the time to actually catch up with Raihan , Azzim and Dhabitah . After the jamuan , we all got out of school and walked to Secret Recipe . This time i decided to get funky , so i tried Appletiser . Its sparkling juice which cost me 7 ringgit but tasted like sparkling ribena . And i had brownies with ice cream . Is it just me or was it a new development that brownies must have nuts.That screwed the whole thing . And during that time , i finally had an answer for one curious question i had , "Why was it that girls eat a lot but they never gain weight " . Quoted for Truth , Deb said "Well , its because it goes to their ass " . So guys , if you want to know if your future or current girlfriend eats a lot , thats one way to detect overeating or overpaying for her food .Girls need to exercise , if not then who will , not us guys that'll will either a)work at office , come back hungry and in need of sex or b)after work , chill at the mamak with colleagues catching up on who we dated and our life experiences before this .Alright after  brunch , went back did the usual stuff.I played PES 08 with my brother . Arshavin is pretty easy to play with , since he is basically a totti ,  i use his passing skills and basically made a one two to goal with pavalyuchenko.Played FM , Huntelaar and Drogba are a stellar partnership . Either will be dropping deep or giving a defense splitting pass to each other and before you know it , goals come like raindrops.

            Around 7 , it was time to get ready for prefects dinner .By 740  i went out , took izzat and we  prepared with out masks and everything . This years prefect's night theme was pretty original . Masquerade .I came with a white mask while izzat was wearing a half mask whilst some others with  those masks that looked like what batman had bought during the  start of his career as a superhero .Well nonetheless , it was cool . The opening was bad ass . Pirates  go with anything on stage . The food was okay , i got my moneys worth . The bell of the ball however was and obviously should be the performances .At this point , id like to salute everyone that did the performances , semua gempak gila . I was impressed with the NEW MEGAT . Indeed he deserves his title .  It was as if he was born Charismatic already , having girls eating out of the palm of his hand , senior lagi tuh . Pergh , well done .The Secret Santa part by ruiz was pretty surprising . I thought since he was the leader , i thought he didnt have much time with all the rehearsing and what but he pulled that off incredibly well . Bravo . And then the last one , brilliant Ruiz , brilliant .It takes a real visionary to think of something like that , " Who wants to be Michael Jackson " . If you can see it right now , im practicing that moonwalk or Jalan Bulan right now . And i noticed , megat didnt look like his normal self , when megat 2.0 was on stage . If i was empathetic , yeah i could feel his pain . How would you like it if people call someone else a better you . Does that mean you'll go to him instead of me .Now the cycle is complete as well . Megat is in the middle see
Bony of SASER is his elder brother
Megat 2.0 is his little brother
But then , you cant stop it even if you tried . Its nature that as time progresses , the process of evolution takes over . Sooner or later myself or Izzat or Ruiz will all be replaced with other people with very similar traits only better . But from what i can see , not for a while.

           By 12 it was all over , we took pictures  . Let me make that clear . I TOOK PICTURES . I MADE EVERYONE LOOK DAMN MOTHERFUCKING GOOD . And it was an honor . I was never a photo person really . Yeah your different , i need reconstructive  surgery to actually have that yard of self esteem to actually take a photo.I can never ask a person to take a photo with me , it sounds as if im so desperate .But then i guess its okay for now , after all if i wasnt taking the pictures who would . To me a good memory does not need a photograph . Its all in my noggin .

           When i was writing this , im proud to be a member of such a great TTDI batch . Looking from what ive seen , we  will have a future in this world . Some may be in the local scene , some may be overseas . But its for sure we all are going somewhere guys .Believe me . Thank you  Ruiz for such an awesome night , and  thanks as well for being there as  some sort of mentor /motivator for me . Helped me bucketloads in boarding school . And thank you Dhabitah , Eleena , Nurul , Yankoh , Seng Fatt , Nik , Eijas , Acaps , Luqman , Azzaim , Gen , and everyone else there . Do me a favour , if i ever change , give me a slap . Men easily forget themselves and for one i would not want to forget myself that i have been blessed to have such many good friends by my side . Your all that i need .

Now i want to get something of my chest ,
Wan Nur Shazwani : I liked you , i did , but then life had to move on.So this ends right now.

And Aznida : How do i say this , well firstly sorry for what i did . people make mistakes . Whats done is done .

END : 0210 am

Its funny to think that 13 hours ago , i was in Sains Seremban , completing an experiment . Getting a mouthful from my bio teacher and then some . Well thank god thats over , im now back in front of my canvas painting a portrait of what of what happened this 3 weeks.

Breaking news currently
Mom and Dad are in the UK with my sister .Must grab opportunity to get Chelsea Tie , Anne Frank , Catch-22 and other sleep-depriving reading materials.Its a coin toss between Guitar Hero or MGS 4.

So as promised let me tell you guys what miracles happened in 3 weeks

         Alright , basically straight after holidays . It was D-Day , results for mid-term came out . The first day which was monday was pretty good . Pretty much all the results i got were A's all round . As the days progressed though the results started to sag and drop . The worst was English . I was pretty disappointed i got 67 for my english .Straight after class , i ran to my english teacher , arguing and exactly questioning why i did so badly (she didnt give us the paper). She said i screwed up my summary and other stuff . to be fair i didnt bother to listen . What was on my mind was that english paper. I was pretty heartbroken about that for the rest of that day . I even found my friends journal and this is what he wrote . " Hari ni kawan aku , eddy dapat B untuk english dia , gila tak , kawan aku yang budak debate dapat B " .Its bad when you think your good , its worse if you let people think your good and you  fall relentlessly , letting them down .

         Well we cant expect life to be so easy right , if it was then right now id be chilling out doing jack shit (which im doing now , damn) . So that happened during friday , thank god after that was the weekend .Now  , on that first week of Sunday after the holidays , after Maghrib . There was an outbreak of food poisoning which took the bowels of 80 students . So basically for the rest of that week , we ate different food . What type of different food you may ask ? Its simple  , those girls from Kolej Tunku Kurshiah . After having what they eat , ill be very frank ,no wonder there so big . Im a believer . I mean they get to eat an absolutely humongous portion of chicken . pieces of meat that have so much fat you'd mistaken it for black pepper rubber band because thats how it tastes like chewing it .

         But still im pretty thankful they were nice enough to share some of their food , thank you TKC girls . And then from that incident things got from bad to good again . Picture this , you have 5 minutes left for your paper 1 physics paper , you havent answered 12 questions . The pressure is mounting , the teacher says you have minute left . Like all great idiots , the term tembak comes to mind .Well believe it or not out of the 12 i answered i think it was in a ratio of 9 correct and 3 wrongs .So my physics paper 1 (42/50)  What was more unbelieveable was i screwed the paper 2 section in my physics , i got all my calculations wrong for my ticker tape . Yet i could get i think 62 out of 96 . With that i had a grand total of 72 . an A2 . An A2  which i will cherish from my school year .

         Things got more miraculous , during English class , my teacher was finalising the marks for the english paper . Suddenly out of the damn blue she said  my marks went up to a 75 . It turns out she missed a one whole section of the paper . See people , there is a god in this world . Not saying that there wasnt or anything but you get what i mean .So as a whole in my class i got number 4 , in my form i got 19 . But still i cant say im satisfied , why you may ask ? well if you compare that with the TTDI contingent in the form 4 there this is how it ranks up

 #5  Izzat  : budak yang cakap dia tak belajar tapi add maths 87 ,  damn izzat damn
#12 Megat : Hauled ass so much , he deserves it
#19 Me    :Didnt study for physics , sleepy ZZZZZZ
#30 Amir  : Quoted for truth "  Lek Sudah "

This was how us TTDIans stacked up against the best SBP in malaysia . Because of this its confirmed my parents wont let me let it down . I mean " Eddy kalau izzat and Megat number bla bla bla kenapa tak boleh lagi baik dari diorang " . Sigh . Life is hard .

           Now we move to this week , well , i got a pencalonan for prefects there .Hmm , back to the old days of actually giving a fuck about rules . Im free as a bird now , but then the certificate , the  cell phone numbers and lastly the contacts would be invaluable to me  so it was  a subject of thought . It was going to work like this . First , there will be a personality test . Second will be an interview . Third will be an interview with the house warden . Honestly it doesnt really matter what you do there . Most important would be  A)your close with your seniors , B) They like you . Pretty much thats that if you want to be a prefect . This week was the personality test . This time though as opposed to all the other times , i decided to be honest with myself . To tell you the truth i already had done the test at my old school already . After doing that test , i noticed that i changed  a lot compared to before . I enjoy speaking to the crowd now . Problem is , i gotta stop shaking and just be cool .

           Oh yeah about what wrote about the invisible hand and society there . Both co-relate in some way so , stuffing them together wouldnt be a problem . Well the idea is that well , if you are generally okay with everyone in your class and better yet if your among the smartest . The people there will actually treat you pretty nice . How you manipulate this is by either a)do a favour for them b)crack wise and lastly c)be yourself . Soon before you know it people will actually want to hang out with you .And when that happens your standing among the class rises higher therfore more people will respect you . The factor that most affects this is your own personality .In guy schools , my personality seems to fit well with everyone . Now take in contrast of that and TTDI .There are so many stark differences . What i tried to do was bring back my personality from SASER back here and what i got was pretty much a)a sad truth b)a depressing time in one utama c)kebab king . Not a good thing except the kebab king though , that was good . real good .

That was pretty much what i wanted to paint on my canvas

10 minutes . 10 minutes left on my card.

Well for sure as hell i cant tell you guys what happened so to make it short

I learned

.There is a god

.Good things do happen to bad people

.The Invisible hand of manipulation

.Society is a bitch and all

.Why i seem like im moving  somewhere

All to be elaborated at 12 am on friday night next week

Watch this space

BTW

Forza Azzuri